so today i went to church.
i heard bono and bill hybels have an amazing converstation, that totally reinforced everything God has put on my heart latley.
then i got some quilts.
not just any quilts.
hand made prayer quilts. one for me and one for julie.
they are beautiful, i love them.
then i went out to lunch with the beautifull rissa and all the men talked about politics.
it was boring.
then i got to take a nap.
then i wrote ian a goodbye letter, just needed to get some stuff of my chest before i leave.
i went to give it to him, at the church and he was sitting outside on the phone.
i walked up to him, and asked if he had a second, he said yea and contiued to talk and laugh and tell his new gf about how excited he was to see her at youthgroup tonight, for about ten minutes while the tears were streaming down my face.
i gave up.
he doesnt care.
its done.
i never gave him the letter.
thank you Jesus for giving me a resiliant heart.
thank you Jesus for making me new and picking up the pieces.
thank you Jesus for taking the knife out of my back.
Youthgroup tonight was about the whole white washed tomb thing. how people can do religious things but still be dead on the inside. wich brought me to something someone said of me the otherday.
someone said uganda is my mecca.
as if i am somehow proving to God, through works, that i love him. that somehow, i am viewing this trip as an offering on a altar. when you first look at it you think, yes , that is good, an offering to God. But Jesus already paid my debt, i have nothing to prove to God. He knows that i love him the way i can best in my humanity, he doesnt want any stupid offering, as if i could possibly make Him love me more by being a good little christian girl and taking a vacation to africa. All God wants from me is love, love for Him as my God, and love for his people. Me going to Uganda to love on those women and kids, is simply what it is. not a sacrifice to apease the god of religion but a choice to love people who dont get alot of loving, Gods people, my people. No i dont speak thier language yet, but they are my people, because they are Gods people. I dont know thier customs and dont understand thier manorisms yet but they are my people, because they are Gods people. So this person might ask me why im going. Why? Because God made a way. Simply that. I dont need to explain Gods plan for me to anyone. Why do i love God? Because I have seen him. I have seen such a small bit of him and it has ravished my heart, and made me just want more. I want what he wants, my heart breaks for what his heart breaks for, he lives in me, and i love Him. His people are hurting and in need of love, my people are hurting and in need of love. We are all in the same, one body, one people, one world, and im tired of people just forgetting about our brothers and sisters simply because they are unseen.
bono talked about bringing heaven here.
the lords prayer.
Jesus would pray about that.
I mean, he mentions the poor almost more than anything second to salvation i think.
He would pray that he could bring heaven, God, to this dirty place, and thats exactly what He did! He brought heaven here, made a way for us all to expirience the truth and reality of God.
God seems like such a small word for such a big thing.
three letters could never do Him justice.
Yeah, so when i put in perspective my aching heart over a stupid boy who doesnt even care about me anymore, and look at the plight of the poor and sick and disadvataged, it seems so small, like im seeing this as a mountain, and its just a foot hill.
on top of everything seth anderson keeps asking me to kiss him and im not sure if hes sirious.
hahahahaahha
I am outside
And I've been waiting for the sun
With my wide eyes
I've seen worlds that don't belong
My mouth is dry with words I cannot verbalize
Tell me why we live like this
Keep me safe inside
Your arms like towers
Tower over me
Cause we are broken
What must we do to restore
Our innocence
And oh, the promise we adored
Give us life again cause we just wanna be whole
Lock the doors
Cause I like to capture this voice
it came to me tonight
So everyone will have a choice
And under red lights
I'll show myself it wasn't forged
We're at war
We live like this
Keep me safe inside
Your arms like towers
Tower over me
Cause we are broken
What must we do to restore
Our innocence
And oh, the promise we adored
Give us life again cause we just wanna be whole
Tower over me
Tower over me
And I'll take the truth at any cost
Cause we are broken
What must we do to restore
Our innocence
And oh, the promise we adored
Give us life again cause we just wanna be whole.
3 comments:
He came, so you can go
He loved, so you can love
Go in peace, the kind of peace that only God can give you, sweet child.
Go in love, the kind of love that you've been given but you can't hold it in, its the kind of love that must be given to others.
I've said before, and I truly mean it, you've got so much love, I'm not sure Africa can hold it all, it's like a light that never stops shining, it's a flame that never ends to warm the hearts of those who are cold.
He loved, so you can love.
Go love REALLY REALLY loud!
Maybe Ian can't handle the truth. He may not know how to deal with your leaving. Keep your letter. Maybe someday he can understand your feelings. By writing it you got it off your chest, good for you. You offered it to him, he didn't take it, bad for him.
Your words and feelings aren't in vain. God will use ALL of your experiences to mold you into who he wants you to become, Kirstin. Believe this, from a woman who knows it all too well. You will be the face of Jesus to many women and children...what an honor we have as Christians to represent such an amazing, selfless, loving, graceful, merciful God. God's peace and blessings be with you!
September 1, 2008 7:00 PM
Post a Comment