I havent written in a while because I'm still really taking everything in, I haven't gotten to really digest anything yet, and Im sure that it will take a very long time for me to even begin to understand what my little eyes are seeing, so please be patient with me.
I'm trying to write a blog and i feel so frustrated because I cant quite explain myself the way I want to.
I wanted to talk about the heights and the depths and contrast, life and death, and how the bible says that Christ's love for us reaches to the heavens and is deeper than the sea, how it covers all.
I can't seem to quite put words to how I feel here.
I cant even really understand how I feel here.
I know I am learning something monumental, I just feel like I haven't really learned it yet, so how can I tell people all about it when I don't even understand it?
I want to talk about how things seem so hopeless here, but the depravity that is so obvious, to me, it just seems like an opportunity for God's love to be rained down, to restore, to "fix" it.
The fact that things are so bad, it makes heaven seem so right, and I know it's not like God is this egotistical crazy man, allowing things to go terribly awry just to make himself look better, and more loving when he does "fix" it. I know it's because He wants Us to bring heaven down, and not just wait for it all to be over, that's what Christ did, He brought heaven here, made it able to be had while we are still in this life, and that's what I want to be able to do, and to be frank, I'm just not sure how to do it.
So I guess I'm just going to keep doing what I'm doing with out a plan, I'm just going to keep playing with the children, keep talking with the women, keep visiting the hospital and seeing the children that are so sick, even though I hate it, because thats what the bible says to do, look after the widows and orphans, do what ever it takes to love them. My mom keeps asking, "what are you doing what are you doing" and I really don't know what I'm doing. I'm trying to love...that's it, and if something is going to allow me to love, then I will do it, if that's letting the kids in Danita get my hair all dirty then that's what I'm here for, if it means sitting in the Suubi meetings on Sundays getting all hot and annoyed, then that's what I want to be doing.
"If mercy falls upon the broken and the poor, dear Father, I will see you there, on distant shores."
5 comments:
Hi Kirstin! Being busy, or having a plan, isn't always the purpose of God for us. He wants a willing heart. Which I believe you have. I think you have made a great decision, giving your time to God's purpose. No one can say what it is that our heavenly father has planned for you, He knows, and with your willingness He will direct your paths! I'm so happy to hear from you!
By the way, that photograph is stunning!
Just loving! I love that! You do it good!
Mom
"... the best laid plans of mice and men often go awry..." That's a line from a Robert Burns poem. He wasn't in Africa, but he did appreciate the smallness of the human being. Maybe it's the "forest for the trees" concept here for you but I can clearly see you working the plan--it's God's plan. You are right where you He wants you and He will reveal to you what He wants when He wants it. Psalms 37:7 comes to mind...
Carry on. You are mighty!
John's mom
you, my little lady, are amazing. I miss you like crazy but I know God led you there and you're trying to learn how to love, but you ARE loving.
stay strong there bby, and remember to just keep trusting and being the hands and feet.
<333looooove you so much
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