Togende Na Weai (I am not afraid)

"I want to skip like a stone from a stronger arm
Each one I throw is moving somewhere
Oh, let me go
I will go out, out, out, out
Past these yellow ropes
I am not afraid"

For the last week or so, since I told Nora that I would be leaving soon, she has said to me, "Togenda Na Weai" (Let's go together). Leaving the village has gotten harder and harder, seeing her stick her thumb in her little mouth and walk away, head bent, makes me so sad. Nora isnt really affiliated with SUUBI, shes an orphan, living in Danita with her JaJa (grandmother), but since the SUUBI women meet and sell the necklaces IN Danita, I got to meet this beautiful little girl. Thats one of the things I love about what LGH is doing in Uganda. We are infected with their hope, that of the SUUBI ladies, and the community around them, and Molly says we infect them with our love. So for those of you who are curious about what SUUBI does here, it goes so much farther than just buying necklaces. We are able to start building the community around this place, the red dirt becomes a part of us, just like the laughter of the mommas at the meetings and the smell of g-nut sauce and charcoal stoves. We are making connections that will last into eternity, seeing God reveal Himself through His people.

Today I finally got to say to Nora, "Lets go together".
She ran to her home, and put on what seemed to be her best little dress (must have been handed down and down and down) and scrubbed her feet. Sieeda did the same and so did Christine (Nora's little sister).
We walked all the way back to the house, about a mile i think. Not once did any of them complain about the heat or the distance, I kept thinking to myself, "American kids could never ever do this..."
We stopped and bought some Mirinda, my favorite pop here, (for those of you from Michigan, its similar to the taste of Faygo Red Pop but a gazillion times better)and the girls opened the bottle tops with their teeth.My mom would kill me if I even tried to do that.(blah blah blah 30,000 dollars worth of braces and surgery blah blah blah...wow that makes me seem like I had terrible teeth,I didn't...)
We got to the house and I gave them the grand tour, showed them how to flush a toilet. (Nora was AMAZED) They all insisted on peeing in the toilet, one after the other hahahah, and then watching the toilet flush. Every time it flushed they would let out an African, "Eh!" and their eyes would get all big.
I showed them the freezer, which brought on another round of "Eh!"'s. At one point, I touched the ice in the freezer and it stuck to my finger and Nora and Sieeda started yelling, "No No No!" haha they had no idea what it was, and they were terrified of it.
We drew some pictures, played some soccer in the front yard, danced like maniacs, and ate some beans.
I love beans.
They are so delicious.
We had so much fun.

I took them back on a piki, all four of us and the driver, so five people total on one motorcycle. As we were driving up the hill to Danita, I could see all the beautiful trees with their purple blossoms and the big blue sky, open and full above me; the contrast between the dark color of their little hands in mine below. I was so full of love, I absolutely adore them. For a moment I was so afraid.


Loving is scary.

This is a lesson I have been learning for these last three months, in more ways than one and, actually, I feel like I have been learning it my whole life. There is so much I want to say to you.
I wish I could explain myself better, but as you know, these little symbols that represent words, that are supposed to represent thoughts and feelings, they often fall so short. I keep reminding myself, in time.

When we love, we give.
We become vulnerable, the other person/people have the power to accept or deny the love that you are extending. It is so funny to me that a little nine year old African girl has a piece of my heart in her hands, this little one has the power to accept or deny me, my love for her.

When I stare into this computer screen at those words, immediately I think of Christ. I am reminded of His love for me. For so long I have wondered, "Why!?" why does He love me so much, I understand that God IS love, and all He does IS love but why me? What have I done?
Nothing.
That's the beauty in it, we've done nothing.
Nora didn't really DO anything to make me love her so much, she was just herself, and I was so drawn to her, for no particular reason really.

That's scary.

The idea that we can grow to love someone so much, a " perfect stranger" even, or someone who doesn't even speak the same language, or is 40 years older than you, to have such a deep deep love for them, a need to give of ourselves to that person, protect, care for, encourage, walk with and pray for that person, we consider that person "ours" even, I say, "MY Nora" or "MY love", "MY friend", for no reason other than because that person IS that person, if they TRIED to make us love them, it would all be ruined.

1 Peter 4:8
Above all, LOVE EACH OTHER DEEPLY, because love covers a multitude of sins.

There's nothing I could do to make God love me more.
The love of Christ, the love he asks us to give other people.
Its so elementary but I JUST grasped it.
I think.

That's scary.
I am completely powerless in this situation.
I have no control.
But there is freedom in this.
And I am not afraid.


"I want to skip like a stone from a stronger arm
Each one I throw is moving somewhere
Oh, let me go
I will go out, out, out, out
Past these yellow ropes
I am not afraid"